I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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