Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
