i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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