A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
