im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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