a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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