dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
