I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
