You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
