I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's blow job season.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
