Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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