i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
