So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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