I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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