just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
