i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
