I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
