Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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