Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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