I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
