if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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