i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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