I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
