if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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