dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
