and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize