I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
