but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
