You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
