I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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