the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize