But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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