Got a toothbrush?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
