When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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