Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
