So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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