i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
God, I missed his penis.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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