I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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