I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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