Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
