i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
