Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
