The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
