Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
