Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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