Im at strip club and am horny
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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