and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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