I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
