I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
