I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
