the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
