I wanna bring you to show and tell
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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