he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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