Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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