Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
