it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
nutella sex= disaster
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Houston, we have a blender
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
