I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
