Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
