I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
