My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
