to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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