haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
