yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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