I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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