no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
