See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
