so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
