You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
