Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
